Strong Black Woman Syndrome by Kiristen Hubbard
Hold your hand up and put
a finger down if you’ve ever said these statements or had these experiences. “I’m
okay because I have to be”. Never processing emotions because you have to keep
it together for those around you. Never allowing yourself to break down because
if you’re breaking down then who is being strong? Working through the pain
because letting things affect you shows weakness. “If I don’t do it, it just
won’t get done”. How many fingers do you still have up? Now take a second, how
many fingers do you think the Black women in your life would have up?
One of the first words
that we as Black women tend to describe ourselves with is strong, when what we
are really saying is that we are resilient and often making sacrifices for
those around us. Fighting daily battles of systematic oppression and
disadvantages all while trying to manage our personal lives. Our strength is
often equated with our work ethic and ability to keep pushing, it’s pretty much
the foundation for Black womanhood that is engrained in us from the beginning. There
is a sense of perfectionism that comes with it. It makes sense if you think
about it historically. This way of thinking stems from slavery as a means of
survival. It has been internalized and passed down from generation to
generation to generation (Donovan & West, 2015). Our ability to weather the
storm is called Strong Black Woman Syndrome (SBWS) or Superwoman Syndrome. This
has been detailed in numerous books, articles, and papers, one being Behind
the Mask of the Strong Black Woman: Voice and the Embodiment of a Costly
Performance by Tamara Beauboeuf-Lafontant.
Disney’s
Encanto introduced us to Luisa, Maribel’s oldest sister who does all the
heavy lifting and is part of the magical Afro-Latinx and Latinx Madrigal family.
Although her character displayed a physical strength and build that is unorthodox
in the Disney world, that was not why she was strong. She was strong because
she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her song “Surface Pressure”
was catchy, and it’s better than “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” if you ask me.
However, I don’t find myself liking the song because of the tune, it’s the
relatability and message within.
“Give
it to your sister, it doesn't hurt
And
see if she can handle every family burden
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks
No mistakes just
Pressure
like a grip, grip, grip and it won't let go, whoa”
Even as Luisa was
describing how much pressure and harmful it is to have to be okay for everyone,
she was still protecting her sister in the process. Not even her moment was
about her, which is profound and representative of what SBWS is. Putting
everything else first and ourselves second because we are strong enough to
handle it. If we don’t do it, then it just won’t get done. If Luisa didn’t
protect the family, then who would? Strong Black Woman Syndrome has its
benefits because we are combating negative stereotypes and pleasing those
around us, but at what cost? How does this impact us? It contributes to more
health issues that we are already more susceptible to, such as heart attacks
and strokes (American Heart Association News). It forces us to either do
minimal or no self-care at all. Don’t get me started on the toll it takes on
our mental health. We look at vulnerability as weakness. We don’t properly know
how to ask for help and equate it with not being able to handle things. We are
unable to receive help when it is offered. Oh, and let’s not forget my favorite
one, burnout. I know that one all too well. I’m able to keep going and then
it’s like my body shuts down on me for days, sometimes even a week.
Luisa broke down when she
thought she lost her strength, because she thought she lost her purpose, her
worth, and let everyone down. Superwoman, you are not a failure for taking a
break. You are not disappointing anyone when you are unable to complete a task.
You are not incapable or incompetent when asking for help. More importantly,
you shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders or
suppress your emotions. Trust me, I get it, it’s not as easy as it seems. Ask
anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you that I am the queen of saying “I’m
fine”, when inside I’m the furthest from fine.
You may be asking
yourself, well what can I do? Start by having conversations with trusted people
in your circle about the pressures you’re experiencing. Set boundaries with the
people and things that are causing you stress, even if that means setting
boundaries with yourself. Practice saying no, especially when it infringes on
your time. You’re no good to anyone when you’re pouring from an empty cup, but
more importantly, you’re no good to yourself. Checkout websites like
therapyforblackgirls.com that list both virtual and in-person therapist that
look like us. On Friday, we’ll discuss more resources to help you deal with the
burden of Strong Black Woman Syndrome.
References: https://www.heart.org/en/news/2020/02/11/being-an-african-american-superwoman-might-come-with-a-price
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3072704/
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0095798414543014
Comments
Post a Comment